killing me!!

out of sudden , out of nowhere ,
i am thinking of you.haishh!!
really hate this feeling.
i am trying to forget about you as much as i can . i don't want to live under your shadows again!!! i swear i don't want.
shit!!!
this feeling is killing me.

a week

it has been a week we are apart .no longer in relationship. well,i just don't know how to describe my feeling .not much to say.i am sure that you must be very happy with your'single'life that you desire so much .it must be fun isn't it .and for me,i feel nothing .yeah!noting in me.
i feel more calm and still in my way to find the true meaning of life. berusaha sekuat mungkin untuk kuat kan segala bagai perkara dalam diri supaya tak hanyut lagi dengan benda yang tak pasti.hmmmmm.
till then,

i used to love you before.
but now, i hate you!!!!!
i am not lying..

at the end...........

hurm.i donno how should i describre my feeling rite now.
everything was goin so fast .very fast .
i am still in my shocked mood.
but .alhamdulillah.i manage to control my feeling from day to day.
all my family and friends give a very unpredictable support until i can make a decission wisely.
deep in my heart,i am hurt.totally hurt.my heart break into a pieces.
but from the other part of me,i am feeling so bless.thank to almighty Allah bcause He gave me a chanced to experienced love from man.at least i can judge by myself the value of love from a human perspective.
yeah.i get a very good lessons.:)

saya redha dgn segale ketentutan yang Maha Esa.saya hilang cinta dunia,tapi saya raih cinta ilahi.InsyaAllah.
masih lagi mencari kekuatan.mencari tempat pergantungan yang kukuh supaya saya tidak rapuh lagi selepas ini.
saya mmg seorang yang penipu jika saya cakab saya tak kecewa.kecewa dalam hati ni,hnye Allah yang tahu betapa sakitnya.betapa susahnya saya nak pulihkan kembali semngat yang beransur hilang.
tapi saya percaya semua ini mmg sudah tersurat di Lauh Mahfuz.sesungguhnya Allah lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk saya.buat masa sekarang saya redha.ini adalah dugaan yang maha berat buat saya.semoga saya kuat.

Ya Allah,jika ini yang telah kau tetapkan untuk hamba mu ini,aku redah .sesungguhnya aku percaya bahawa setiap apa yang berlaku ini ada hikmahnya.aku berserah diri pada Mu Ya Allah .semoga Kau mmberi petunjuk Mu kepada ku.Amin.

you,that i love.

dear metabolism of protein and nucleic acid,
u are so hard to understand. i tried so many ways to understand every single thing in you,but there were so many questions mark which is i couldn't answer.
idk what should i do to make you love me.
i gave all my effort and my whole weekends only for you.
yeah!for you!
because of you,i miss my fav shows on tv.
because of you i've postpone my intention to go back home last weeks.
because of you i couldn't sleep tightly and because of you i feel terible!
DR.puad said,u have to appreciate all the things that happen in you,but...................
hm,i have no ideas about what will happen in my 2nd test.
but,i beg on you.please be nice to me.
u are 3 credits hour.i cannot play around with you.
may all the love that i gave to you,will end up with happiness.
i love you my dear,protein.:)

removed.

i've deleted all my old picture on Fb just now.the picture when i am not wearing the scarf.the old me.i miss the old me but i love being a new me.:)
feeling more fresh and tenang . alhamdulillah.almighty Allah has give his guide to me.may this change will turn me into a better muslim .insyaAllah.

loss words.

hm.............. a big sigh there.
well,idk why should i heve this fucking feeling.i feel so pathetic.i really do .i noe u're no longer read my blog as u always do before.i can't blame u 101%.i am sure u have ur own reason which is hard 4 me to accept it sometimes. . . . . . . .
i lose my words .idk where should i start .is it all my fault? am i giving u so much burden until i feel u really can't bear with it .we are different .totally different .we have diff thought about LOVE.when i think it was right,doesn't mean u will say it right.we define the meanings in a diff way.we did argue for certain things.but it is oke.that shows we have a good communication.hm.everything seems to be so hard 4 us diz lately.i feel empty .u have change. sumpah .i lose my words in sudden .it so hard 4 me to confess. something inside me are dead.
saya cube utk oke kan balik keadaan,tapi saya tak dapat apa yang saya nak dari awak.awak biar saya terpk2 n tertanye2.kite da bincang .once.tapi still,tak de jalan keluar .knape?knape???!!!
sumpah saya tak nak macam ni awak.saya sakit .sakit sangat .rasa macam kasih awak kat saya da makin kurang .mungkin awak tak rase sama macam saya rase.sebb awak simple.saya dikurniakan perasaan yg complicated.saya boleh alert dgn awak.tapi awak macam agak kurang alert dgn saya.kita jauh sekarang .saya nak jumpe awak.tapi,saya tak tawu awak macam mane............saya tawu awak byk masalah.saya faham sngat2.tapi,awak.boleh tak faham saya jugak.-_-"
kadang2,saya rasa tak kuat.saya nak awak pn rase same dgn ape yg saye rase.tlg saya faham dengan situasi awak .tapi awak tak penah buat saya faham .awak akan diam dan say .i am sory syg .-___-" sory seems to be the easiest words for you .
i still love you .and my love are for real.
saya minta maaf yang teramat dalam sekali kalau awak rase sy salah .tapi awak tak penah cakab.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......
i love all about us.please do something .i make a confession here. i am sory .i love you just like the way u are.buttttttttt..........
kalau awak rase ade yang lain lagi better dari saya,sile kan .make ur own decision and just let me noe.insyaAllah saya boleh faham.
enough said.

conversation between a father and his daughter.

this conversation was held on 1.40 pm,today in front of the library :

fifi : hello ayah ,assalamualaikum.*nada happy
ayah: waalaikimussalam .*happy jugak.
fifi : ayah kat mane tu?da sampai kl ?ngah drive ke?
ayah :ayah baru jek sampai kl ni.sekarang kat putrajaya. kakak sihat?
fifi: ouh.oke2.saje jek call ayah.rindu. :) urm2.sehat kot.entah tak de prasaaan .*jawapan ini akan diberikan bila mmg tol2 ngh tak de prasaan kat diri sendiri.ayah sihat?
ayah : laughing.:) ayah sihat jek.kakak bile nak balik uma?*serious tone
fifi:hm....*sigh .ntah la yah.ingat kan nak balik mgu ni,tapi nxt week ade 4test .kalau balek uma confem tak study. *start nak sedeh. mungkin lagi 2 mgu kot akak balik.
ayah:*diam agak lama. hm.takpe la .nk buat macam mane kan,akak blaja la betol2.mgu depan nak ujian.lepas da settle sume balek la.*nada macam hampa.
fifi:ayah tak sedey ke akak tak balek.hehehhe*nada pura2 tabah.tapi dalam hati da pecah.
ayah:hahahahha.*laughing .tapi suara da terketar.menahan air mata seorang ayah dari keluar.
fifi:*mata da bertakung dengan air.cepat2 cakab.k la yah,akak ade test ni jap lagi.start pkl 2-5 .doakan akak tau.
ayah: insyaAllah.jawab baik2.
fifi:* da nnges.ayah jage diri baik2.drive balek jb baik2.
ayah:ye.akak pn same.jage diri baik2 tu.
fifi:oke.
ayah:mmmuuuaahhh.bye assalamualaikum.
fifi: mmuuuaaaahh balik.bye waalaikumussalam.-____-"


i just could not stop tears from falling.i try but i couldn't.saya mmg masih boleh tahan air mata dari jatuh bila bebual dgn ibu .tapi mmg langsong tak dapat tahan bile cakab ngn ayah.air mata mmg laju jek nk turun.i miss them damn a lot .i just could not describe it by words.i want to back home.i noe they miss me too.all my brothers keep asking the same ques thus few days.
"kau bile nk balek kak?boring la." :(
sumpah tak ley tahan diri bila dgr semua org balik uma.tapi just like i said.i have a lotttttttttttttt of work to do .i have 4 test next wek.and i have to struggle on it.
*sigh.....
noting to say.i am homesick.

no words , just quote .

idk!out of sudden i prefer not to use words to describe what that i feel.sometimes less is more.with only one quote,it can appears with thousand meanings.i just feel noting in me.seriously.something dead inside me.i need to get rid of those feeling so that i can be neutral.
ouh.its so hard.i swear!please do something dear, you.i am afraid as we move on,i can't feel anything.and don't blame me for that. i already warn you.-____-"

down2!

i feel soooo blooody down right now. i am homesick.want to go back home so badly.i swear!!! almost 1 month and a half i am here.in UPM.sick of everything.mmg sedang pura2 tabah jek ni.buat muka kuat dan senyum selebar mungkin depan orang.haishhh!!!what a very good actor kan kau fila.dalam hati ni,no one knows la.saya nak balik uma!!!!!!!!!!!i really mean it.nk mintak kekuatan dari keluarga tercinta.tapi bile seyh nak ade mase.bz 24/7.macam2 hal la.tak payah la nak mention kan saya bz dengan ape.da name pn student.so,,sume student's stuff tu mmg tak ley nk elak kan.hm............
no idea what to write.RUMAH & JB jek yang ade dalam kepale.ouh.semoga saya kuat dan tabah.
ye!!anda boleh .positive!!